Finding your Ikigai

Ever woken from a wonderful dream feeling uplifted that you could spread your arms wide and fly high above fields and buildings with amazing views and a sense of lightness? Only to come back down to earth with a bump when you wake in your bed and realise that this is one super power that you don’t have?

What’s interesting here is that this is likely your subconscious brain telling you that something or someone is holding you back or preventing you from reaching your full potential. Or maybe it’s you holding yourself back, stuck in the mundane treadmill of life; out of routine; loyalty; sticking to what you know? Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could acknowledge the part of yourself that dreams of flying (metaphorically speaking) and allow yourself to explore a new you and a new world where you feel less like the proverbial hamster in the wheel of life? Or even just a bit more balance..?

Why I was lucky to work with a Coach

I feel extremely lucky to have worked with an amazing coach when I was feeling a bit stuck in a senior leadership role a number of years ago. Although on the outside it looked like I had it all together, producing great results in my corporate leadership job and juggling a busy family life, I felt like that hamster stuck on the wheel. I wasn’t happy and was mentally exhausted, looking forward to every weekend and holiday with my family to restore that feeling of my most meaningful identity; mum to two fantastic kids (and wife to an amazing and equally hard working husband!)  

My coaching journey was hard work but so worth it!

Over the course of three months, I put some really hard work in to focus on feeling better in myself and discovering what I really want out of life. With the support of my Coach, I uncovered my vulnerabilities and got more comfortable sharing them with others. I started to give myself credit for the outstanding results I was achieving (I have always been great at recognising and congratulating others but apparently “hid my own light under a bushel” - with my long-held belief that nobody likes a show off!) I gradually realised that my environment was holding me back and I was missing my ikigai... 

Coaching helped me to find my ikigai

I always held an ambition to run my own business (and in fact ran several over the years as side hustles - NAWIC Women’s Network, Bodyshop at Home, Party & Events Organisation). My leadership position was no longer rewarding me intellectually or emotionally and I had set about getting certified as an NLP Coach to bring more value to the people I was working with, alongside the ILM Coaching and Mentoring Diploma I had completed years earlier.  Once I got started using NLP coaching at work and with increasingly diverse clients from other industries, I saw the amazing results that this work can deliver. As a leader, I was passionate in supporting my teams to drive their personal development. As a facilitator and DEI consultant, I loved helping businesses and leaders to discover the value inclusion brings to organisations. And as a human, I wanted to expand the reach of executive coaching in an inclusive way. Hey presto, I found my ikigai!

Making coaching more accessible and paying it forward

I will always be grateful to my coach, Sonia, for the work we did together and now through my business, Emerge Coaching and Consulting International Ltd, I have the wonderful opportunity of paying it forward... 

If you are at a similar career cross-roads and your subconscious brain is keeping you awake at night with dreams of flying or, much worse, driving an out of control vehicle or even crashing, I thoroughly recommend engaging a coach! Who knows, you might be destined to be the next Yvonne Pope Sintes* or Damon Hill**!!!

~ First Published March 2023 ~ 

Did you enjoy Do you ever dream of flying? Follow Emerge on Linked In 

and look out for the next edition of "Finding your ikigai" 

*Read Yvonne's story in the book; Trailblazer in flight: Britain's First Female Jetplane Captain

**Listen to Damon's story in the Podcast Fuelling Around; Damon Hill on Formula 1, sponsorship and his musical past

Do you know the story of the “Ugly Duckling” from Hans Christian Andersen? Essentially, it’s the story of an individual who feels different to the others around him/her and comes off feeling negative about themself. Until, that is, they see themself for who they truly are and realise that they are beautiful in their own right. Often referred to as imposter syndrome, this phenomenon is more common in the workplace than you might think and it’s not necessarily about physical differences…

What is imposter syndrome?

Imposter syndrome often occurs when someone enters a new role or an environment where there is an established culture which dictates the way things are done around here and that individual may have been hired to bring a different perspective, style or set of skills. As the “imposter”, it can be really tempting to mould yourself to ‘fit’ the norm of the group but it is often far more powerful for you and your business if you can navigate those feelings of discomfort or not being “enough” to emerge with your own identity intact and leverage that unique difference that you bring.

How do micro-aggressions feed imposter syndrome? 

You might hear from the dominant voices in the group that “you need to bang the table to be a leader here” or “you’re too x, y or z for this group/company/team” (insert ‘aggressive’, ‘quiet’, ‘wet behind the ears’, ‘divisive’, ‘unpredictable’). Or it might be a more subtle experience with meetings planned at the same time each week/month/quarter around the preferences or lifestyle of the dominant group. Or maybe there’s an unofficial uniform or social network that you weren’t aware of which makes you feel an outsider. All of these examples, sometimes known as micro-aggressions, can lead to you feeling a lower sense of worth and you may begin to feel that you don’t belong or are not good enough to succeed in that group.

What can I do about it?

So what can you do if you recognise some of these thoughts, feelings or warning signs? Well, the first step is to acknowledge that this is happening to you. By bringing this into your consciousness, you are already more equipped to notice when specifically this is happening and which factors are exacerbating it. You could consider raising some of these topics with your boss or with your peers. If you don’t feel confident enough to surface this within your organisation, you may wish to work with a professional coach who can help you to unpick what is going on for you and find new strategies that will enable you to be yourself and thrive in this new group.

How can I build a more inclusive team culture to help others?

You may want to consider a team intervention if you sense that there is a gap in inclusiveness more generally within your team or your organisation. At Emerge Coaching & Consulting International Ltd, we offer a range of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion programs as well as Executive Coaching for Directors, Senior Leaders, Middle Managers and their Teams.

Why invest in private executive coaching? Some of the key benefits for you and your business are: 

• An outside in view to help identify the strengths and gaps in your business

• Help to identify patterns for what works with different people and their related business cultures when interacting in your business 

• Releasing unhelpful blocks to success and developing advanced skills to improve impact across the business

• To bring the ‘best’ out of a diverse workforce both personally and professionally

Working with highly skilled Executive Coaches and Consultants; in as little as six hours, you will see positive results in your business and at least three tangible actions after just one session!

~ First Published July 2023 ~ 

Did you enjoy Ever felt like the ugly duckling? When Imposter Syndrome rears it's ugly head...? Follow Emerge on Linked In and look out for the next edition of "Finding your ikigai" 

Are you the stand-out extrovert in a room full of introverts or the unusually 'quiet voice' in a fast paced, high energy, people focused business? Either way, without strong leadership on workplace and team dynamics, this can result in you feeling that you don't quite 'fit'. You might feel drained in meetings which delve into every small detail or you might feel exhausted after attending yet another work social! 

You might also feel that you don't connect as well as you might with colleagues... 

But, bear with it; your unique difference could be the key to finding your unique place in the pecking order… 

Research suggests that the most effective teams are generally composed of members whose skills and personality styles complement (rather than duplicate) each other; who demonstrate respect for one another, even in disagreements; who generally enjoy working together; and who are able to communicate clearly and divide workload fairly. While some teams naturally work well together, most will need at least some guidance to overcome conflicts and to perform at their best. Developing your unique presence and contribution within teams at work can be an empowering and vital piece of self-development work; whether you are the ‘quiet voice’ who isn’t always heard or you’re perceived as ‘loud’, 'over-confident', or 'too much'. A number of clients have approached me to work on this type of challenge from both ends of the introvert-extrovert spectrum so I thought it would be a good space to write a blog post... So, let's talk about social dynamics at work! 

Why is it important to understand Social Dynamics in the workplace?

Most adults spend a significant proportion of their life working for pay. As a result, the social dynamics of a workplace - including how employees interact, how responsibilities are delegated, and how dedicated workers are to the company's mission - can have a significant effect on people's physical and mental well-being. By investing in building positive team dynamics and psychological safety at work, companies can impact the bottom line favourably; both in terms of reducing the number of sick days; and in building sustainable high employee engagement and retention rates. 

Healthy workplace dynamics are not only integral to a company's success - more importantly, workplace dynamics have a deep, lasting effect on workers' well-being and career trajectory. Research suggests that while compensation and feeling appreciated by superiors has some impact on our well-being at work; flexibility, autonomy, and a sense of belonging and inclusion are the leading drivers of employee happiness. 

How can we create a sense of belonging and inclusion in the modern workplace?

With more and more companies operating with remote and hybrid team members, it is more important than ever to have a strong inclusion strategy which is well communicated through story telling. As humans, we often need to see people like us, as role models, in order to see ourselves doing something new before we can go there. In a hybrid or remote workplace, it is even more vital to shine the light on role models from a diverse range of backgrounds and to show that different behavioural styles are welcomed and indeed valued. In doing this, companies should take care not to use tokenism but rather to focus on authentic storytelling from real people in real positions across the business. It is important that leaders communicate company strategies, mission and vision as stories, and to do so with authenticity, in a relatable way. If the people at the top of your organisation are not relatable, maybe it's time to invest in some executive coaching or reverse mentoring to help them to see the company from a different viewpoint.

Developing an inclusive leadership presence

I have worked with a large number of leaders on inclusive and authentic presence over the years, after engaging my support to hold up the mirror on DEI progress and helping them to build a more inclusive culture. From General Managers, to Executive Board Members, to Chairman of the BoD, to old school leaders in a brave new world, and junior leaders with limited life experiences. All have recognised that they were limited in seeing the world through the lens of their own experiences and had a desire to learn from other experiences and to develop a greater empathy for people with different experiences from across the business.

For Executive Board members, I organised small workshops with under-represented groups in the organisation to facilitate their understanding of what can get in the way of feeling included amongst some groups and to build a sense of trust that the topic of inclusion was taken seriously right at the top of the organisation. To increase the understanding of leaders coming from different perspectives, we developed an inclusive leadership workshop built around sharing case studies and discussing the most inclusive solutions with leaders from different parts of the business and different backgrounds. This helped leaders to take on different viewpoints and learn from each other's varied experiences; bringing practical ideas into leading their own teams.

Striking an inclusive balance as you navigate career growth

One particular young potential leader requested additional support with being more ‘inclusive’ in a diverse learning environment and particularly to help him increase his awareness of others, while developing an executive presence. He was known as a loud, extrovert character who could appear over-confident amongst peers and sometimes immature in front of senior leaders. Assessed as having the potential to be a leader in the future, it was considered that he would need to build several years of experience in order to build credibility. He wanted to work quicker on building a more inclusive leadership presence and to be accepted as a credible leader as soon as possible. We focused our work on retaining his unique strengths as a potential leader, while identifying the unhelpful behaviours that were holding him back, alongside developing a deeper understanding of others. Over the course of six months, he was dedicated to his development plan with that outcome in mind and achieved a promotion to his first leadership role shortly afterwards. As a leader, he has since developed one of the most diverse sales teams in his organisation and has been recognised for bringing out the best in the people in his team.

Developing your presence and becoming a more inclusive leader are not topics that you can easily achieve by attending a one-off training course or by independently reading around the topic on your own. By working with a skilled coach, you can go deeper into the route of the behaviours which are not serving you well and develop better strategies which will make a lasting impact. A good coach will hold you to account; providing feedback as you work to establish new behaviours and challenging you to collect examples of success as you move forward to make the new behaviours stick.

Finding an "authentic" voice as an introvert

In the case of “introverts”, it is common to have a strong self-awareness due to reflection and empathy for others in many cases. However sometimes, and especially in a fast paced, high energy, people focused environment, introverts can feel that they are losing themselves. This can lead to feelings of imposter syndrome, especially if an introvert is trying to match the energy of extroverts in the room in order to be heard, recognised or valued. 

One self-proclaimed "introvert" client asked to work on building her confidence, starting with self-belief and finding a confident voice that still feels authentic. Authenticity is so important in retaining your energy as an introvert. Putting on an extrovert mask to ‘command the room’ can be very draining and can lead to feeling dissociated from oneself. This can be very useful for projecting a professional image when public speaking and yet it is important to make time to re-connect with yourself afterwards to feel authentic and energised to "perform" again. 

By working on the topics which previously prevented you from speaking up such as a belief that “others won’t respect my opinion because of my position" or "my input has been ignored in previous experiences”, you can practice sharing more of yourself and begin to feel heard. You might find techniques such as using the hands up emoji or chat function in online meetings make it more comfortable to share your inputs initially. Or you might make use of a "car park" where you jot down bullet points or work with a sparring partner to bring you into face to face meetings with a signal. Some of the most inclusive meetings ask participants to submit input based on pre-reading ahead to make most efficient use of time. This can be a great way to achieve balanced meeting participation by inviting those who submitted comments to support the discussion. 

My client (above) was seeking new opportunities during her coaching and used the opportunity to practive using her authentic voice at job interviews. She performed really well when she was able to articulate her experience and her ambition with her authentic voice and received an offer within two weeks of completing her coaching action plan!

The Bottom Line

Whether introvert or extrovert, executive, job seeker, junior leader, new starter or established leader; it is important to recognise your unique strengths and seek to understand other perspectives in order to find your most authentic voice and bring out the best in others. We each have a responsibility to contribute to the social dynamics at work and to build more inclusive workplaces. If on reading this blog, you are curious about coaching for yourself or members of your team, please complete the relevant enquiry form at https://www.emergecoachingandconsulting.com/contact or email laura@emergecoachingandconsulting.com 

~ First Published November 2023 ~ 

Did you enjoy Want to change your place in the pecking order? Let's talk social dynamics...? Follow Emerge on Linked In and look out for the next edition of "Finding your ikigai"